30 seconds of flight

Stars, burning, step from the edges of sorrow
and escape the pitch prisons of night
i’ll trade each and every tomorrow
just for 30 seconds of flight

Now, I’ve always told people I’m afraid of heights
– i’ve always lied.
i’m afraid of myself.
at great heights, i’m like a tinder box
it’s like one spark, one flicked switch and I’m off
feet disappearing over the edge.
And it’s been like this for as long as I can remember.
at 7, i understood the nature of slef
the separation of two worlds, there held in my father’s hands
standing with touristlined two-deep along sky-scraper railings
i felt that part of my soul, scaling the barriers, hurl it’s self flaing out ofver the edge
laughing and wailing all the way down
now dead
and i wanted to go with it.
at 17, it was back on the bridge
i felt that seditious twitch in my feet, the call of dark fishes beneath
that water like concrete.
over-run, i’m fingers and thumbs
i’m white knuckles wrapped tight around rungs of white iron fencing
i’m there held fast, pensive
and trembleing.
and at 27, it’s as deep as a taste
i’m standing on the north face of a mountain
i’m bound in a full-bodied craving
to jump
to feel the wind on my skin, the leaves through my teeth
the skull caved in and bleedingg
the branches of ghost-gums driven in deep through the chest
til i rest as a mess of dead flesh and kindling
you know that feeling
it’s the reeling soul’s last rebellion against the fate that it’s held in
to say “renal failure at 70 be damnned!!!
i will die in a whirlwind of chaos and beauty
because i can

Stars, burning, step from the edges of sorrow
and escape the pitch prisons of night
i’ll trade each and every tomorrow
just for 30 seconds of flight

and when i dream, i dream of going out like this
i’m a suicide note with half-pike and twist,i’m bare feet
and un-clenched fists
i run past the lips and use the moon’s chin as a spring-board
I’m airborne
I’m arm’s spread and suspended for a second beyond gravity’s claws
i’m damoceles ‘ sword
i’m a parabola drawn before an enorous theatre of stars
i’m 30,000 ft from my dreams and closing in fast
and faster
and faster and faster
i’m a cannon shot blasting past the tea parties of angels
i leave partly eaten bagels teas spoons and flipping dinner plates
to trail in my wake
i bank left, and make puncture marks in the face of a storm cloud
spinning now, carving thru like cork-screw
two eyes brimming with thunder -blue powder
i round out to the sound of lightning on my tail, there’s cloud spray in my nostrils
my head’s back, i’m singing black and gold gospel
now popped, spilling out of the soft underbelly of cloud
into full view of the world now
I’ve got one shoulder down and I’m charging the ground
the whistling sound of havoc unwound
as now,
i cut lines in my wrist with a knife and splice open my chest
i wind out in wide arcs and coloured confetti spills from my chest
it’s scattered and swept out behind me, winding in spirals up into the slip-stream
blood red, orange, purple and green
i am screaming
i am left breath-less, windburnt and bleeding
but it all ends with a bang
because i will slam and sink fangs into the earth with enough power to
wipe out a wheat-silo,
or make and acre wide crater in corn-fields
or cut through a sky-scraper like paper into the street
leave and unspeakable mess of crushed metal street signs and truck wrecks
the dust settles on what’s left
of a smoking, smouldering Toyota hilux
i said, ‘bullshit, unbreakable’.
… bullshit.
….bullshit.
I dream of falling and I dream of fire
but I will leave nothing but a trail of smoke
a burnt out shell and 8 miles of pretty litter
and this is the way my life will end
not with a bang, …but a whisper.

and stars burning, step from the edges of sorrow
and escape the pitch prisons of night.
I’ll trade each and every tomorrow
just for 30 seconds of flight.

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